Steppamy & Heck

Steppamy gets her credits cause she brings the water jugs places and sometimes she puts stuff in ‘em. Like, not water stuff. Like, good water is not easy to find anymore, but everyone likes a good spin. So Steppamy gets more if she juices the water. The Jumpsuits call her the Camel. You know, cause she’s got jugs of water. And she takes ‘em through the desert. In an old shopping cart. Steppamy’s never seen a camel. She’s pretty sure they don’t use shopping carts. Hundred percent, though, Steppamy’s smarter than a camel.

Here’s how it works, right. Steppamy rolls into the lab. This big shiny building. They got trees and stuff there. The Jumpsuits tell her who all needs water. She puts the water in her shopping cart, then she brings ‘em the water. Jumpsuits put credits on her card. She’s gotta travel at night cause the sun will burn up all the water and it’s too hot anyways. When she gets where she’s going, Steppamy tells somebody she can juice up a jug. Like, a lot of times they’re bearded dudes out in some post-up in the middle of bumblefuck who draw portraits in the sand with their piss cause they’re that bored and stuff. Dudes with guns to keep randos away from the Jumpsuits. They give Steppamy more credits on her card if they want the juice. If she likes the dudes, she sticks around for the night and they all get spun.

Steppamy doesn’t get where she’s going alone though. She’s got Heck. The dudes at the lab gave him to her. They called him like some failed biotech or something like that. Steppamy called him Heck cause people would be all like, “What the heck is that?” when they saw him. And Steppamy would be like, “Dude. That’s Heck.” And, like, kakay, that only happened like twice, but both of those times it happened, it fucking tipped. And heck is chill aff anyways, so once Steppamy intros him, everybody’s cool. But sometimes, Steppamy has to leave Heck behind when she’s dropping off water. Some people don’t like him, like they get weirded out by him or something.

Like this one time, Steppamy has to bring water to this trailer dump outside Ellay. And so she turns to Heck, and is like, “Sorry, dude, but Mister Mister doesn’t like your face.” Heck slumps. He’s never seen his face before, so he doesn’t get why people don’t like it. Steppamy can tell he feels like a little better about staying behind.

The trailer’s one of those old time rigs stuck on cinder blocks. Mister Mister’s got some saddle-lights set up on his roof and a folding chair set up under a sun-bleached umbrella out front in the sand. When Steppamy knocks on his door, she hears a clatter, and it takes Mister Mister a couple secs to get to the door.

This green light seeps out from the trailer and Mister Mister’s got these weird-ass goggles on. When he opens the door, he’s all like, “What?”

Steppamy’s like, “Hey dude. Got your water jug.” She hikes a thumb back towards her shopping cart.

Mister Mister lifts his goggles from his eyes. He looks at Steppamy like she’s got an extra head. And Steppamy knows what people look like when they look at people with extra heads, cause she’s seen people look at people with extra heads. He’s like, “You again?”

Steppamy’s like, “It’s been like two weeks, dude. The Jumpsuits said you need more water.”

“Tell them I need more biotech, too.”

“So, like, you want one of the clean jugs? Or I can let you have one of the spin jugs for some extra credits, you know.”

Mister Mister shakes his head. He’s like, “Just a regular jug of water. Tell me, how in the fuck does a juicehead like you stay alive hauling water around the desert?”

“Oh, I got Heck.”

“You mean the experiment?”

“Yih. I told him to hang back cause you don’t like his face.”

Mister Mister does this grunt, then opens the door all the way. Steppamy lifts a jug marked clean from her cart and takes it inside. Mister Mister’s trailer smells like rotten foot and cheese. Half of it is covered up by this plastic curtain with green frogs printed on it. Steppamy replaces his water jug and blows into the plastic empty like an instrument. It makes this cool low humming sound. Mister Mister’s looking at Steppamy all weird. His eyes won’t leave her boobs, which, you know, Steppamy knows they’re there, no need to call ‘em out like that. He’s like, “So, this is what they have you doing. Just hauling jugs of water.”

“Gotta get the credits somehow, right?”

“Yeah, well if they don’t start shelling out more credits to this guy, they might just find out what I’m doing. You know?” He sits down on a bench he’s got by his table. There’s like this little mirror set on it that buzzes in and out. He’s like, “I got a couple ways you can make more credits.”

Steppamy’s not a none, you know. Like, if somebody’s got the right number of limbs, and even then, she’s flexible. But Mister Mister’s a skeezer. She’s like, “Naw, dude, I’m good.”

Mister Mister stands up fast and gets all in Steppamy’s face. He’s like, “You really should think twice about that. I know people, you know. I got plans for this wasteland.”

There’s a catch in Steppamy’s throat and she begins to think that rotten-foot-cheesy smell isn’t the trailer. Like, the stinky thing is in the trailer and the trailer itself don’t actually smell that bad. Like, you know, like she thinks it’s Mister Mister. Like—

Mister Mister throws himself against the wall of the trailer, almost taking his frog curtain down with him. Steppamy turns and sees Heck lumbering all shadows in the doorway. He lurches in on his knuckles and the quills on his shoulders are standing up. Steppamy’s glad Heck didn’t listen to her and showed up when he did.

She’s like, “Well, shi-it, Mister Mister. It has been a real slice, but I got two thumbs and a cart full of water jugs to push around.” And she heads out the door with Heck. Outside, she gives Heck a hug and his tail thaws against the trailer’s sides. She gives him lots of scratches behind the ears.

###

Out in the desert, Steppamy and Heck sometimes come across caravans. There are like three of ‘em that wander around close enough to the lab for Steppamy to find ‘em, but far enough out that the Jumpsuits don’t have to worry about ‘em.

This is the blue jeans caravan. On the truck at their head, they have a pair waving like a flag. They’re stopped for the night, or maybe longer if something went wrong with their solar. Like, sometimes that happens when wires get twisted or something. Steppamy doesn’t actually know how solar stuff works.

She pushes her cart downhill towards ‘em with Heck at her side. She’s got five jugs of water still full, and one of ‘em is juiced up. That’s the thing about living these days. Anybody can live, you know. Like, living isn’t always that hard. Find something to eat, find something to drink, and don’t get killed. But, like, a lot of times it’s harder to find reasons to keep living. And a good spin can be one of those reasons. Lots of times, it’s the only reason not to give up and be a vulture buffet.

Steppamy rolls into the caravan and she’s all like, “Cha-cha-cha-cha-check it out, dudes!” And people come and give her credits for the water, and then Steppamy will give credits for some food or some stuff like food. The blue jeans caravan has these algae soups and they grow dank mushrooms. Heck doesn’t need food. He’s solar, too. But when Steppamy pulls out the juiced up water, that’s when shit goes nuts and bolts.

There’s this dude, her name’s Myshell, and she can play music with glass bottles she picks up places. She gets going and a fire gets lit and lights start going off. Kids play with Heck, swinging around off his arms and giving him belly rubs. His tail smacks the dusty ground, sending big brown clouds up that turn pink in the firelight. Steppamy sits on a cushion-bag, listening to this dude Jang talk about this guy the caravan saw out in the desert a few whiles back. Jang’s like, “This dude, he like wouldn’t stop talking about his auntie, right. Like, he kept talking about how she got sick and he couldn’t find any water for her.”

Steppamy’s like, “Lawl, I think I know that dude! The guy who can’t see houses? Shi-it, that dude tips.”

“Can’t see houses?” Jang looks all confused.

“Yeah, old dude? He really likes to spin, man.”

Jang’s like, “Naw, this dude was a youngtimer.”

Myshell calls Steppamy over to blow into some of her empties. Myshell’s like, “I need that bass, dude.” So Steppamy takes a gulp of the juiced up water and gets up. She’s blowing into one of her big empty water jugs. People are running around all wild. Steppamy starts spinning. Every time she blows into the jug, she feels like she’s holding this world in her hands and it’s shaking and about to blop. Her skin’s standing up in all kinds of places. Everybody’s all legs and arms and movement. Heck’s gotta be the biggest thing there ever was. All the kids are hanging off his arms, and they just keep going down and down, stretching towards the sand. There are lips on Steppamy’s neck and on her back. She sheds like a snake. There’s this tent and it’s all of the colors. Is the music still playing? Man, this shit tips.

###

When Steppamy wakes up, the caravan’s up and gone. She’s laying with her head on Heck’s arm. Heck sees that Steppamy is up and his tail starts to slap against the ground. He licks her, but his tongue is bristly, and it makes Steppamy’s hair stick up all weird. Her mouth is all cotton. She’s like, “Dude, where’s my water at?”

She left at least two jugs of the clean stuff in her cart. She gets up, stretching and scratching, but she can’t see her cart anywhere. They’re on the side of a hill. Just sandy hills, some rocks, shrubs, and a bunch of tire marks from the caravan.

“Did those skeezers take my water?” Steppamy raises a middle finger and sticks it up her nose. She’s all loud like, “Not cool, dudes!”

###

Steppamy really should’ve known better. This is the Postal Pocket Lips, right. Nothing makes sense. A girl just can’t trust anybody. Even if she gave ‘em the best spin of their lives. Steppamy mutters, “I guess it’s just a doggy-dog world, huh, Heck.”

Heck nods. It’s a doggy-dog aff world.

She finds shade under some rocks and holes up for the day til the sun sets. Heck spends the day laying on his back soaking up the sun. On his belly, green bars glow. A new one stacks onto the last one the longer he lays out in the sun. He’s got this dopey look on his face with his owl eyes closed and his long bristly tongue hanging out from the side of his mouth. When the bars reach his neck, this little chiming sound dings from his chest and Heck hops up onto all fours to chill with Steppamy in the shade.

For most people, tracking a caravan at night can be kinda hard. Like, you can follow the treads pretty easy in the daylight, but at night there are shadows that play tricks. Somebody could end up walking the wrong way all night just to find out they were following a ghost when the sun comes back up. But most people don’t have a failed biotech experiment for a bestie.

It takes a few days to catch up. Steppamy has to drink cactus juice and keep in the shade as much as she can in the day, but they find the blue jeans caravan. It’s met up with some other caravan Steppamy has never seen before. It has been a minute and a half since Steppamy has run into strangers. She looks at Heck, who looks back up at her with a fangy grin and his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

“You should prolly hang back, dude.”

Heck slurps up his tongue.

“Just like for a little bit. If I’m not back over in like, iunno, a little bit, you can come find me. I’m sure everything will be cool by then.”

Heck nods and lays down on the sand, crossing his arms under his chin.

Steppamy doesn’t really get to walk into the place, cause as soon as she gets close enough, two dudes riding four-wheelers stop her. One dude points a gun at her and he’s all like, “What do you think you’re doing here?”

“The blue jeans caravan stole my water. I’m just trying to get it back. Is Myshell around? I can sort it out with her if that’s cool.”

The dudes look at each other. It takes Steppamy a sec, cause it’s so dark out, but she sees that the dude pointing the gun at her is actually pointing his arm. Like, his arm is a gun. The other dude asks her, “You said they took your water?”

“Yiss. I was like walking through the desert cause I gotta get it back, you know. Like, a girl can live off cactus juice, but a girl can’t always trust there’s gonna be a cactus around when she needs it, you know. And plus, like, the needles totes-ma-goats suck. So, yeah, if you guys could just take me to Myshell so I can get my water and my shopping cart back, that’d be real real.”

The dude with the gun for an arm spits to the side of his four-wheeler. “She’s a juicehead.”

“What do we do?”

“I mean, it would be cool aff if you just did what I asked.”

###

They don’t do exactly what Steppamy asked, but they kinda come close. They bring her in on the back of a four-wheeler. In the camp, Steppamy doesn’t see any blue jeans caravaners. These new caravan dudes, they’re mostly guys. Like, Steppamy doesn’t see any girls around. They’re all in forest camo, which looks pretty stupid out in the desert, but it’s whatever. Steppamy doesn’t gaff about how people dress. But they’re all real intense. Some of them have gun arms like the other dude that brings her in. Some have antennas sticking out of their ears. And some have scope goggles with skin grafts over them. Real weird stuff.

“So, like, you guys don’t seem like you’re into spinning, huh.”

The dud driving, Steppamy has to hold onto his vest to stay on his four-wheeler, this dude, he just grunts.

And Steppamy’s like, “Yih, that’s pretty much what I thought.”

They take her to this big rig truck. The doors to the freight are left open on its backside, but it’s real dark so Steppamy can’t see what’s in it. The dude on the four-wheeler gets off. He lifts Steppamy up and puts her on the ground. He places a hand on this gun he’s got on his belt and is like, “Get inside.”

“Kakay, is that where Myshell is?"

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“Cool beans.” Steppamy gets in, and that’s when she sees. All the people from the blue jeans caravan, they’re all chained up in there. She’s like, “Shi-it.”

And then the dude hits her in the back of the head and she’s out.

###

When Steppamy comes back around, they got her chained up too. She’s near the open door, though, so she can see out where all these camo dudes keep walking around all serious and stuff. It’s still night, she sees, so she hasn’t been knocked out that long.

“Yo, you up?”

It’s Myshell. She’s chained up across the rig from Steppamy. She doesn’t look good. Like, she’s got a black eye, and her hair’s all messed up. Her skirt is all ripped up and there’s dried blood on her thigh. She looks like she hasn’t eaten anything since the last time they saw each other. “Dude…”

“You alright?”

Steppamy is alright, but she doesn’t feel like it. She nods.

“What’re you doing here, Step?”

“Uh, coming after you guys. Somebody went and stole my water!”

“What?” Myshell shakes her head. Some of the caravaners mumble like that doesn’t make any sense. “Naw, nobody took your water. You left your cart by where you passed out. You were like really spun.”

Steppamy’s like, “You mean I just lost it?”

Myshell shrugs.

“Shi-it.” Steppamy sinks into her chains. They’re really cold against her wrists, and her arms are starting to get sore from being held up by ‘em. She’s not about it at all. “What happened to you guys?”

“Those camo dudes ran us down last night. They got like a bunch of huge guns and stuff. They came out of nowhere and started blasting. Blew up one of our trucks, and cut us off so we couldn’t scape.”

“Why?”

Myshell’s chains clink when she lifts her shoulders. “Guess they were hungry.”

“You mean…?”

“Yih. You’re where Jang was this morning.”

“Shi-it.”

Myshell nods. “Longpork.”

“They are quiet for a long time after that. Deeper into the truck, some kids start crying. Steppamy nods in and out of sleep. When she’s awake, she watches the camo cannibal dudes. There’s the dude with a gun-arm, and the dude who she rose in with. He’s got like half of his lip missing. Steppamy tries counting ‘em, but then she messes up and has to start over. At twenty-two, Steppamy realizes that she recognizes one of the dudes in camo. He’s got these goggles and even from a ways away, she can smell the rotten-foot-cheesiness on him.

“Whoa, wait up!” Steppamy calls out from the truck. “You, Mister Mister! Hey! Dude, I did not think I’d see you again. What are you doing here?”

Mister Mister does that thing again where he looks at Steppamy like she’s got an extra head. His lip trembles and he points at Steppamy. He’s like, “You idiots— she works for the Jumpsuits! Get her out of there and put her with the other one!”

The dudes all scramble when they hear that. They hop to and get int the truck. Blue jeans people are all shouting at ‘em, but they got Steppamy at gunpoint, so Steppamy doesn’t make any trouble. They walk her across the camp and Steppamy sees this trailer, like, it looks a lot like Mister Mister’s trailer, but it’s got wheels and there are all these boxes with glowing green balls in ‘em. Steppamy thinks they look way cool. Without knowing what they’re for, she knows she could sell them for hella credits. Steppamy’s like, “What’re those? They look real funky.”

“Yeah, they’re funky.”

They take her to a pod with a cage door on it behind another truck. They unlock the cage door and throw Steppamy in. It’s less dark in there, so Steppamy can see right away that she isn’t alone. There’s this dude laying on the floor all undone. He’s like beat up and stuff, and he has this little chain necklace like one Steppamy used to have to keep her card on, but she just started keeping it in her pocket. She sits next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“So, dude. You must be the Mule.”

“That’s what the Jumpsuits call me.” He doesn’t look up at her. He’s got a busted lip and this hero chin. Not a lot of dudes have hero chins.

“Man, it sucks they got you, too.” Steppamy leans up against him to keep warm. She brushes her hair back from her face and looks up at the sheet metal roof over them. There are some bullet holes in it and Steppamy can see some stars through them. “The Jumpsuits are gonna have to, like, hire some new people or something.”

“I’m sorry,” The Mule looks over at her and asks, “but who are you?”

“I’m Steppamy!”

“Who?”

“Wait. They didn’t tell you about Steppamy?”

The Mule shakes his head.

“I’m the Camel, dude.”

“The Camel?”

“Yih! You take food places and I take water. We’re like flip-sides, you know?”

The Mule shakes his head. “This cannot be happening to me.”

Steppamy thinks that’s a weird thing to say. Obvs, if something is happening, then it can happen. She’s about to ask him what he means when outside some people start screaming and guns start firing. Like, a lot. The Mule perks up. The guns and the screams are close. The shooting stops for a sec and one guy’s body flies out of nowhere and slams against the cage door. His face is pugged. It slumps down the bars of the cage door and starts twitching. Then, it gets dragged off the cage door, and Heck peers his head in through the bars.

“I was starting to wonder when you’d show up.”

Heck’s tail starts wagging and he wraps his fingers around the cage door bars.

The Mule is like, “What the heck is that?”

Steppamy grins. “Dude. That’s Heck!”

Heck rips the cage door off like it’s no big. Outside the pod, camo cannibals run around like ants out of a sandhill. They start shooting and a couple bullets hit Heck. Heck turns, snarling, and barrels at ‘em. Steppamy doesn’t actually see what Heck does, but she hears it. It’s like the sound of a toad getting stomped on.

Bullets whiz and pepper the pod, shooting sparks. The Mule’s like, “We have got to get the hell out of here.”

“Naw, man, we gotta let the blue jeans caravan dudes out.”

“The who?” The Mule has no idea.

“Forget it, dude. You just do your thing.”

The Mule nods and makes a run for it. He doesn’t get very far though. Like, he gets up one sand dune, and somebody shoots him. He falls down rolling over the other side. Steppamy sighs. She really liked his chin.

Steppamy runs back over to the big rig where everybody’s chained up. She finds the gun-armed dude’s gun arm just like in the sand with a bunch of blood around it, so she picks that up. “How do I get this to…?” Steppamy fiddles with it, but when she pinches the bicep, it fires. She’s like, “Lawl, kakay, that’s weird.” She jumps up into the big rig and starts shooting holes in the sheet metal around where the chains are bolted in. The blue jeans dudes run out. Some stop to hug Steppamy. One girl kisses her.

When everybody’s out, Steppamy jumps out of the big rig and sees that everything is all nuts and bolts. Heck is just like this shadowy blur ripping through everything. Red wet sand puddles splotch the camp. Gunfire flashes. Some of the blue jeans dudes start up their engines and make a run for it in their caravan trucks and cars.

Steppamy figures that now is as good a time as any to jet. She runs back to where the pod is cause she’s pretty sure all the blue jeans dudes are heading the other way and she does not want to get all caught up in that stuff again. She’s at the trailer with the crates of glowing green stuff when Mister Mister shows up with some camo cannibals at his back. They stop when they see Steppamy with the arm gun in her hands.

Mister Mister’s like, “You! Look at what you’ve done. You and that thing.”

“Hey, man, I was just trying to get my water back. And, dude, it’s so stupid, right, cause it turns out that the blue jeans caravan didn’t even take my stuff. I just lost it. Like, seriously, who even does that, right? Well, me, I guess. It’s prolly all dried up by now.”

“Are you… Are you insane?”

“I don’t think I’m in anything right now.” Steppamy sees that the camo dudes keep looking past her at the boxes of green balls. Steppamy puts a hand on one of them. They look like really cool. Like, she could def sell one for some serious credits. She picks one up and sees how the green glow goes through her fingers. “So, what are these?”

The camo dudes back up. Mister Mister gets all low. He’s like, “Listen, I know you’re upset. I would be too. But please, you have to put that bomb down.”

“THIS IS A BOMB?!”

Steppamy chucks that thing and runs. And it’s a good thing she does, cause it’s all like BLOOSHAW when it hits that box of other bombs and, like, it’s so strong it blows up those bombs too. And they are all like CHAPOWEE and REEKUM and PISHOO! Fire is all over the place, and it throws Steppamy against a dune. Steppamy kicks dust and gets the fuck out of there. Dudes are flying all over the place. Mister Mister is way gone. Like, half of his head gets blow off kind of way gone.

Steppamy makes it out of the camp and over the sand dunes. One of her arms is real burnt up, but like she just saw dudes get ripped apart and splode, so she doesn’t worry too much about it. She slides down the other side of the dune, and down at the bottom, she hits a soft bump. It’s the Mule. He’s covered in sand and clutching his shoulder. He hisses when Steppamy lands on him.

“Oh shi-it, dude, I thought you were buzzard food.”

On the other side of the dune, back at the camo cannibal camp, things are still blowing up. Steppamy still can’t believe that one bomb did all of that. It really was a good thing she chucked it and got gone. The Mule looks up at the clouds of fire, his face lighting up with each boom. He’s like, “Did you just kill them all?”

Steppamy isn’t sure so she shrugs. “Prolly."

There’s a rustle in the sand, and like a black flash, Heck rounds the corner of the dune. He sits down next to Steppamy panting. Blood drips from his fangs. He nuzzles up against Steppamy’s not-fried shoulder. She scratches his ear and Heck smiles all big and dopey.

The Mule’s like, “Who are you?”

“Dude. I already told you. I’m Steppamy!”

###

When the Mule tells the Jumpsuits everything that happened, they have no problem giving Steppamy a new cart and they don’t even charge her any credits for the wasted water. They let her keep the arm gun after they run some tests on it. She and Heck chill for a couple days. It’s cool being able to hang out in a place that’s got trees, you know. Most places don’t have a lot of trees anymore.

But people need water, so one day the Jumpsuits call her into their lab and giver her a new bundle of jugs to take across the desert. They put some credits on her card. Good water’s hard to find, you know.